Are all the beautiful people in yoga class getting it–except you? Do you zone out and give your power away to a teacher? To help dismantle spiritual disassociation, we’ve developed a Spiritual Authenticity Test. No need to fast in advance or repeat a mantra 108 times: Simply get on with it and answer these simple questions.
Question One. When a teacher leads meditation, are you:
- immersed in elaborate past life visions that include ornate draperies, corsets and plenty of “miladies”
- setting a goal to, one day, be studied and worthy enough to have the mystical experience the teacher describes
- riding unicorns through candy floss clouds
- receiving the helpful guidance, letting go of the rest, and staying focused on your experience and journey?
Question Two. When going to yoga, it is always best to:
- acknowledge that the teacher is enlightened, for they can put their foot behind their head and manage exotic sounds that seem similar to Sanskrit
- struggle with your own unworthiness–because you can’t put your foot behind your head and you don’t know Sanskrit
- assume everyone is super hip and getting it: Everyone, that is, except you.
- move the body, breathe and support healthy brain chemistry.
Question Three. When you meet a spiritual teacher, proper protocol is to:
- genuflect at his/her feet and silently yearn for special attention such as a random glance
- offer fragrant flowers, freshly picked organic fruits, floral leis and plenty of money
- surrender completely until you are pabulum. Isn’t that the purpose?
- be yourself.
Question Four. The sign of an enlightened person is:
- They use really long words, as passed down from an ancient language we mere plebeians will never comprehend.
- their garb: robes (white, cream or orange in colour) and a mala. Bonus points for no shoes and a tilak.
- They speak of their teacher–the one who has passed on–and his or her magical powers, which were subsequently bestowed upon said teacher by tap of the third eye and wave of a peacock feather.
- They are humble, wise, approachable, supportive, always learning and interested and engaged in living a conscious life. Gosh, that’s sounds like a lot of my friends.
Question Five. When dining out for a special evening, do you:
- ask the server, straight up, if the menu is dairy-free, sugar-free, meat-free, GMO-free, inflammatory-free and guilt-free
- inquire about the clientele: Will my fellow diners be conscious enough, culinarily savvy enough and trendy enough to appreciate my presence?
- skip the appetizer so you need only dwell upon how many sun salutations must be done to work off the vegan enchiladas
- enjoy engaging conversation, savour the food, appreciate your server’s expertise as well as the chef’s talents, and then look forward to a future opportunity to dine again?
Question Six. I am on a spiritual path. This means:
- I cannot attend a rugby or lacrosse match as my attendance would signify that I condone violence. However, I can attend a football match–but only if its Chelsea v. Tottenham or the FA Cup.
- I sit and analyze and contemplate a lot. This is super important stuff and we all need to take this seriously. Get it? Now, sit down. Let’s have a think.
- I shall not drink alcohol or coffee. I shall not imbibe in sugar, wheat, meat, any white food or any non-organic substance of any kind forevermore. Hallelujah. Amen.
- I seek to make the most of my human potential by caring for my body, balancing my emotions and bringing clarity to my mind.
Question Seven. When selecting a movie with friends, how do you reach group consensus?
- Movies, really? That’s so material world.
- Wait, wait, wait. Is this an arthouse film? I only do indies.
- First, we see how many awards it has won. The Golden Globes and the People’s Choice don’t count. Secondly, we …
- By discussing and reaching group consensus. It’s pretty drama free.
Question Eight. The sign of an adept spiritual practitioner is:
- they wear active wear more than five hours daily and drink kombucha
- kombucha? No way, that’s so 2015. They drink beet kvass.
- they live simply, so they often sleep on my couch
- they are loving, curious and doing their best each day to speak truth, act toward greater good and empower themselves and others.
If you selected #4 to the questions above: Congratulations! You use spiritual practices to support your inner voice, personal awareness and growth. You are a practical spiritual finder who holds a big vision while contributing to the world. Keep up the good work.
If you answered #1, #2 or #3 to the above questions: We’re here to help you gracefully dismount from your unicorn and tuck into a hearty meal of real spirituality for the modern world. Before you know it, you’ll be cured from a highly contagious disease known as spiritual bypassing or zoning out. To become more spiritually empowered, keep reading these blog posts and subscribe to our YouTube Channel.