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A Proper Love Letter for the Narcissist

Narcissism Looking Confused

Communication with a narcissist is beyond frustration. A narcissist is more interested in dominance than collaboration and your hopeful attempts usually come with the hefty price tag of emotional and mental health.

Letter writing and journaling provide outlets for the crazy you’ve experienced and help reclaim voice and self identity.

A proper letter does not ask anything of a narcissist for a narcissist only gives as means to assert power.

FOUR POINT TEMPLATE:  LOVE LETTER to THE NARCISSIST

  1. What you will no longer allow?  Example:  I no longer give compliance and silence as cover-up for your dysfunction.
  2. What you will give to your self?  Example:  I give myself permission to see the beauty in others. The days of cringing at your barrage of judgment upon others are gone.
  3. Explore voice and self identity – threats to a narcissist! Be impassioned and bold. Example:  I have mulched your dysfunction and used it as compost to bloom beauty and life.
  4. Affirm How does the experience fuel emotional and spiritual growth and motivate you to reclaim voice and authenticity? Example:  I congratulate my mind for persevering and searching for answers. And for ultimately serving my heart’s desire for freedom and love.

Your words can serve as a Love Letter to your Authentic Self.  This real you is what a narcissist most fears.

I didn’t send my letter and I don’t recommend you do either.  The reclaiming of your voice and self worth are now more important than the crazy-making of trying to get a narcissist to hear you.

My letter is written in support of all who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

A PROPER LOVE LETTER for THE NARCISSIST

Dear N,

Over many years, I became familiar with your contradictory language, your avoiding glance and dower stare.  Your narcissistic diatribe was crazy-making and toxic. My dear brain was traumatised.

Years later, here is what I wish to share:

After enduring self-hatred and shame so profound that I literally threw-up for eights years, I am now whole. At last, I’ve woven together the once splintered parts of my self you wryly celebrated amid their disarray.

I’ve triumphed over your petty judgments and self-righteous dictates.

With haughty conviction, you tried to undermine my voice, my lovability, my happiness and self-esteem.  I lived.

Much to your ever-mocking chagrin, my life didn’t fall apart when I went limited contact. Inevitably, no contact.

After you, my life began an upward ascent to clarity. I now breathe fully with all of my lungs–not just the top one-third.

Hand with a Heart for Mental HealthUpon reclamation of my voice, I determine what I am willing to give and not to give.

I no longer give you my indecisiveness, my uncertainly, power over my opinion, overriding superiority, upset of my feelings, a demand to be honored, nor, control over time. I no longer extend to you a desire to be loved or nourished. I no longer yearn for empathy or co-creativity or a real conversation, a heart-to-heart.

I remove the narcissistic supply you fed upon when watching your youngest child self-comfort by incessantly rocking back-and-forth in the car and rocking in bed until she fell asleep. When sleeping outside your bedroom door in fear of not being good enough to save if the house burned down at night.

I no longer give you anger for killing my animal friends. I turned to them for comfort. They kept me alive inside so I could breathe from the channel that serves as pathway home to love.

I no longer give you my hyper-vigilant state, a distraught central nervous system and overworked adrenals. I no longer allow you to disrespect me, emotionally abuse me nor deny your words and make me wrong.

I no longer give you narcissistic satisfaction by holding the residue of depression.

I no longer give compliance and silence as cover-up of your dysfunction.

I no longer give disdain at your stoic inability to really see me. You missed out. You had a daughter who is generous of heart and beneficent of spirit.

I do not give you an opportunity to yet again stab my heart. Even as death hovers and the golden child awaits conveyance of financial kingdom.

I now give on my terms.

I now think clearly. I am discerning. My left and right brain are harmonious. I have focus, inner knowing, truth in voice.

I am assertive.

At long last, I have healthy self-confidence and the inner knowing that I do contribute to my dear world.

I give myself permission to see the beauty in others. The days of cringing at your barrage of judgment upon others, to bolster feigned superiority, are gone.

I have mulched your dysfunction and used it as compost to bloom beauty and life.

I give authenticity and sincerity.

I give humility toward Spirit.

I give my body healthy foods and loving inner voice.  The harsh inner critic is absorbed.

I give my heart honor for carrying me through confusion and lighting the path home.

I congratulate my mind for persevering and searching for answers. And for ultimately serving my heart’s desire for freedom.

I give myself permission for disapproval.

I celebrate all who move from darkness to light.

I cherish my heart, the carrier of light. To that end, my narcissist, I give you a wide berth.

With triumph of spirit,

Karuna

Narcissism PortraitKaruna specializes in healing from early trauma and Complex PTSD. She has an intuitive ability to read energy and she focuses on your emerging consciousness during all sessions. Book today at hubfortheheart@gmail.com

 

Download Today!  10 Qualities of a Powerful Mind, Karuna’s online meditation programme designed for healing and emotional wellbeing.

 

9 thoughts on “A Proper Love Letter for the Narcissist”

  1. I get all of this. I’ve made my declaration more concise: No more. My revenge will be my success at what he told me I would fail at and where he already failed. (As a bonus, I’ll revel in the fact that he is losing his hair in an odd pattern.)

    I’d love to see a letter you actually would send N if you had to.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you, Michael, for your comments. The more we understand the abuse and wounds inflicted by the narcissist, the more we heal emotionally and spiritually. I am happy to be generating greater awareness with you! “No more,” as you share; an affirmation of strength and self care. A big lesson for me was realization that my empathy is not well placed with a narcissist.

      I actually did send a letter, that was not blaming or moving toward victimization: It was a letter where I stayed in my power; I did not move toward victimization; and I described my feelings, as well as my distress, at the situation that had become the “last straw.” The sending of the letter was futile in terms of the narcissist’s response, for there was no understanding or empathy: The desire to control usurps relationship. Yet, I am very glad to have remained in my power and stated by experience with logic and balance and ease. I will find the draft of that letter and post portions here.

      • I admire your letter, it has helped me as I have ministered to victims of narcissism. I pastor and also am a published author. Currently I am writing a book about breaking bondages and one of the subjects that I dealt with was narcissism. It had the greatest impact of any message that I have ever delivered in my 37 years of ministry. Would you be willing to allow me to put your letter in the book? If not I understand. Either way, God bless and thank you

    • I was thinking this morning of writing a letter and found yours I thank you so much for sharing. The fact I can process a drive to write and then sit with the need and feel it and own the experience is evough thank you no one owns my worth anymore xxx

    • If you were not in a marriage with the narcissist and have the ability to cut ties the letter goes like this:
      Dear N,
      I can’t do this anymore. At this point I find I need to focus on myself and work, kids. I’m going to do the hard work to get over you and ask for a no contact approach moving forward. I wish you all the best.
      Sincerely,
      Xxxxx

  2. Yes thank you so much for sharing.. I would love to see your insert as I am going through situations that seem as of a narcissist myself.

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