Communication with a narcissist is beyond frustration. A narcissist is more interested in dominance than collaboration and your hopeful attempts usually come with the hefty price tag of emotional and mental health.
Letter writing and journaling provide outlets for the crazy you’ve experienced and help reclaim voice and self identity.
A proper letter does not ask anything of a narcissist for a narcissist only gives as means to assert power.
FOUR POINT TEMPLATE: LOVE LETTER to THE NARCISSIST
- What you will no longer allow? Example: I no longer give compliance and silence as cover-up for your dysfunction.
- What you will give to your self? Example: I give myself permission to see the beauty in others. The days of cringing at your barrage of judgment upon others are gone.
- Explore voice and self identity – threats to a narcissist! Be impassioned and bold. Example: I have mulched your dysfunction and used it as compost to bloom beauty and life.
- Affirm How does the experience fuel emotional and spiritual growth and motivate you to reclaim voice and authenticity? Example: I congratulate my mind for persevering and searching for answers. And for ultimately serving my heart’s desire for freedom and love.
Your words can serve as a Love Letter to your Authentic Self. This real you is what a narcissist most fears.
I didn’t send my letter and I don’t recommend you do either. The reclaiming of your voice and self worth are now more important than the crazy-making of trying to get a narcissist to hear you.
My letter is written in support of all who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
A PROPER LOVE LETTER for THE NARCISSIST
Over many years, I became familiar with your contradictory language, your avoiding glance and dower stare. Your narcissistic diatribe was crazy-making and toxic. My dear brain was traumatised.
Years later, here is what I wish to share:
After enduring self-hatred and shame so profound that I literally threw-up for eights years, I am now whole. At last, I’ve woven together the once splintered parts of my self you wryly celebrated amid their disarray.
I’ve triumphed over your petty judgments and self-righteous dictates.
With haughty conviction, you tried to undermine my voice, my lovability, my happiness and self-esteem. I lived.
Much to your ever-mocking chagrin, my life didn’t fall apart when I went limited contact. Inevitably, no contact.
After you, my life began an upward ascent to clarity. I now breathe fully with all of my lungs–not just the top one-third.
Upon reclamation of my voice, I determine what I am willing to give and not to give.
I no longer give you my indecisiveness, my uncertainly, power over my opinion, overriding superiority, upset of my feelings, a demand to be honored, nor, control over time. I no longer extend to you a desire to be loved or nourished. I no longer yearn for empathy or co-creativity or a real conversation, a heart-to-heart.
I remove the narcissistic supply you fed upon when watching your youngest child self-comfort by incessantly rocking back-and-forth in the car and rocking in bed until she fell asleep. When sleeping outside your bedroom door in fear of not being good enough to save if the house burned down at night.
I no longer give you anger for killing my animal friends. I turned to them for comfort. They kept me alive inside so I could breathe from the channel that serves as pathway home to love.
I no longer give you my hyper-vigilant state, a distraught central nervous system and overworked adrenals. I no longer allow you to disrespect me, emotionally abuse me nor deny your words and make me wrong.
I no longer give you narcissistic satisfaction by holding the residue of depression.
I no longer give compliance and silence as cover-up of your dysfunction.
I no longer give disdain at your stoic inability to really see me. You missed out. You had a daughter who is generous of heart and beneficent of spirit.
I do not give you an opportunity to yet again stab my heart. Even as death hovers and the golden child awaits conveyance of financial kingdom.
I now give on my terms.
I now think clearly. I am discerning. My left and right brain are harmonious. I have focus, inner knowing, truth in voice.
I am assertive.
At long last, I have healthy self-confidence and the inner knowing that I do contribute to my dear world.
I give myself permission to see the beauty in others. The days of cringing at your barrage of judgment upon others, to bolster feigned superiority, are gone.
I have mulched your dysfunction and used it as compost to bloom beauty and life.
I give authenticity and sincerity.
I give humility toward Spirit.
I give my body healthy foods and loving inner voice. The harsh inner critic is absorbed.
I give my heart honor for carrying me through confusion and lighting the path home.
I congratulate my mind for persevering and searching for answers. And for ultimately serving my heart’s desire for freedom.
I give myself permission for disapproval.
I celebrate all who move from darkness to light.
I cherish my heart, the carrier of light. To that end, my narcissist, I give you a wide berth.
With triumph of spirit,
Karuna is a non-dual therapist and transformational mentor with specialties in narcissism, Complex PTSD and eating disorders. She focuses on the emerging consciousness and treats the ego and personality as relevant – but relative. Book sessions and events at hubfortheheart.gmail.com
Download Today! 10 Qualities of a Powerful Mind, Karuna’s online meditation programme designed for mental clarity and focus.